GRAVEYARD GRANNIES: Here's something every teacher hopes students won't bother trying in the new school year: tired excuses for skipping exams. George Anders' on Quora surfaces this totally fictional--but achingly funny--report on why more grandmothers seem to die the week before exams than any other time of the year. Mike Adams, a (real) prof at Eastern Connecticut State College, observes that: "a student who is failing a class and has a final coming up is more than 50 times more likely to lose a family member than is an A student not facing any exams." Adams' solutions are refreshingly practical: stop giving exams; only enroll orphans at universities; don't tell grandma about upcoming tests. Adams' data may be a tad bit murky but you've got to love his crystal clear conclusions.